Welcome to Sports Fan Hell

Being a sports fan ultimately boils down to two things: the unbridled joy of winning and the pain of losing. More times than not, you lose, it comes with territory, we all get that, it's what makes winning that much better. However, in the past 3 years for me, there's losing and then there's being repeatedly kicked in the protective cup. It's not just losing, it's having rivals win too, to pour salt in the wound, which lately has become a cement mixer. I've dubbed this Sports Fan Hell, and allow me to give you a tour. Think of it as a way to understand my incessant pessimism and whining.

It unofficially began on April 3, 2006 when Florida defeated UCLA for the NCAA basketball championship. I hate seeing UF win anything, but I didn't think much of it.Cute, those spoiled kids up in Gainesville finally have a basketball title, that's nice. Little did I know the misery I was in for:

October 19th, 2006 : It officially began when the Mets lost Game 7 of the NLCS in heartbreaking fashion to the Cardinals on a 2-run homer by Yadier Molina in the 9th inning and the season ending with Carlos Beltran striking out looking with the bases loaded. This is actually the most painful loss of my lifetime. 2006 was the season of destiny for the Mets, they had the pitching and the lineup and an 83-78 team took it from them, no one saw it coming. It took me almost til Christmas to get over it.

January 8, 2007 Florida boat races Ohio State 41-14. Great, 2 titles in 9 months, just what the trust fund babies needed. Part of the UF hate comes from being a Florida State fan, part of it comes from my friends who go to UF and never shut up about how much better they are than everyone simply by going to UF. Two titles for them is like pouring another gas can on the fire.

March 2007: Jimmy Rollins declares the Phillies, perennial September swooners, the team to beat in the NL East. When did Jimmy Rollins become good enough to be talkin shit like that? Please, like they have a chance.

April 2, 2007 : b-ball title #2 for UF and title #3 in 364 days. All of a sudden, there's a lot of blue and orange car flags around.

September 14-30, 2007 : The Collpase......already did an entry on this, and I'm not in the mood to do it again.

December 2007: Tim Tebow wins the Heisman and thus, the ballwashing begins. I can say without question that I have never hated an athlete like I do Tebow. The aw shucksness, the phony showbiz christian act, the fact that he's not a great QB and can just simply run over people at 6'5 245, yet people act like he's reinvented the wheel, the Favre-eque way announcers fawn over him. I actually danced a jig when he got that concussion.

January 6, 2008: Bucs lose NFC Wild Card game to Giants. This one doesn't bug me that much since I thought the Giants would win this game anyway and ended up doing what they did a few weeks later.

September 28,2008: The Collpase Part 2 concludes and destroys Shea Stadium. Nice to see 87 wins wasn't good enough for the Marlins this year, just like 89 and 88 weren't good enough for the Mets the 2 years prior. Karma po-lice, arrest this team.

October 29,2008 : Phillies win the World Series. Maybe the baseball gods don't exist.

December 2008: Following Monte Kiffin's announcement that he will be leaving the Buccaneers after the season to go to Tennessee, the defense takes the last month of the season off and the Bucs go from 9-3 to out of the playoffs, including blowing a 10-point lead in the 4th quarter in the final game against the freaking Raiders. I'm starting to wonder if I killed somebody in a past life

January 8, 2009: UF defeats Oklahoma for another national title, and Tim Tebow gets verbally blown by Thom Brennaman on TV for 3 hours......absolute torture.

March 20, 2009: Florida State blows a 13-point lead to Wisconsin in the 2nd half and falls in the final seconds of the 1st round of the NCAA Tourmanet. Ok, I'm reaching here, but at this point I was just hoping for ANY of my teams to come through at this point.

April-September 2009: Mets season becomes wet garbage.

June 11 and 14, 2009: Derek Fisher's daggers in Game 4 and the Lakers clinch it in Orlando. As I've said on here before, it sucked that they lost, but the fun of the Eastern Conference playoffs outweighed the end. That said, screw the Lakers, and I hope Yoko Khloe and her ugly sister Kourtney help wreck the repeat.

*Side note for June 14: The Mets lose 15-0 to the Yankees, where Johan Santana gets tagged for 9 runs in 3 innings in a series that also featured Luis Castillo's game-ending dropped pop-up. If the memory-eraser thing from Men In Black was available, it would definitely be used for that 4-5 day stretch.


The next 2 weeks: Phillies-Yankees World Series: Since my rage over this is approaching a Stephen Jackson in Detroit level, I'll let my friend Anthony sum it up: "It's the Alien vs. Predator World Series, no matter who wins, we lose."

Editor's note: This may be updated again in the coming months for the undeserved Tebow Heisman and another UF title.

NFL thoughts 10/22

So far we know who the NFL's bottom shelf is (Cleveland, St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Buffalo, KC and Tennessee) and we're pretty sure of the elite teams (Saints, Giants, Vikings and Colts)and the 2nd tier who could be elite late in the year (New England Denver, Pittsburgh, Baltimore,Atlanta and Chicago). But what else have we learned?

- We've learned that Brett Favre is setting up Vikings fans for a massive letdown in January.

- Josh McDaniels knew what he was doing and that Kyle Orton is not just a caretaker.

-Tom Brady is just fine, and if you still don't believe that, go back and check how Peyton Manning's 2nd half was last year.

-Speaking of Peyton: no disrespect to Jim Caldwell, who I'm sure does contribute, but Manning is officially the coach of the Colts.

- Drew Brees is the most complete QB in the league in terms of mobility, poise, arm strength, and leadership

- That the Wildcat is a lot more complicated than just putting fast guys under center and running a screen pass; which is to say, the Dolphins are the only team that can truly pull it off.

- That the Niners are getting there, but they're not on the big boy level. I think they'll win the NFC West, get bounced in the Wild Card, but could make some serious noise in the next few years.

- There's a reason why Brady Quinn fall to 22nd in the draft. I couldn't have said it any better myself

- The Cowboys have gone from overrated to irrelevant very quickly.

- I'd say the Bengals are legit, but I want to see how much of an effect the loss of Antwan Odom has on their defense.

- Baltimore's suddenly mediocre secondary makes them beatable. Which is a shame, because I'd love to see what that team could do with both sides of the ball at full strength.

- Jason Campbell is apparently forever the victim of circumstance. I'd love to see how he'd look in a stable situation because it's never going to get any better for him in the District.

-Maybe, just maybe, the Eagles aren't Super Bowl material and I would've said that even prior to the Oakland fiasco.

LCS Opinions

- Last night shows the fundamental difference between the Phillies and Dodgers that still exists. If there is nothing else the Phillies have done better than any other team in the last 3 seasons, it's the ability to drop the hammer when the other team is waiting for the bell to ring. You watch them and you can tell they have this sixth sense of when they have chance to a bury a team(i.e. Howard's 2-run double in Colorado and in the 5th last night, Ibanez's 3-run shot in the 8th) and they usually do. On the flip side, the Dodgers had chances with the bases loaded in the 6th, a runner at 2nd with no out in the 7th, runners at the corners in the 8th and a lead off hit in the 9th and couldn't cash in. Outside of Cliff Lee, the rotations are even, L.A. has a better bench and bullpen, but they just can't finish, and that's why The Champs are who they are.

- Add this to the list of Phillie breaks over the last 3 years: Brad Lidge correcting himself just in time for the postseason run. Of course he would, these things always happen for the Phils.

- What will the Yankees do now that Ronan Tynan can't ice the opposing pitcher for 10 minutes in the 7th inning?

- It's essential for the Angels to take Game 1 tonight in The Bronx. I'm sure they'd feel satisfied with a split, but with the level of expectations for the Yankees right now, taking the first game would take the air out of the place and the feeling that L.A. is in their heads would be back.

- Picks : Phillies in 5, Yankees in 6......somebody kill me.

Playoff Blog Hits 10/10

- I'll leave my thoughts on the Twins-Yankees game to my good friend and loyal Twins fan, The Bama Gringo : "Unless the goddamn Twins are playing, A-Rod is the worst motherfucking postseason player in baseball history. Against the Twins, he turns into the second coming of Yogi fucking Berra. And for fuckin' fuck's sake, the 3-4-5 guys do their damn jobs, and Delmon Young, you hack-happy fucker, you just HAVE to swing at the first pitch, don't you. You, too, Gomez. FUCK!!!!!"

- I'm amazed that ESPN exercised so much restraint this morning in not showing the Luis Castillo Play every single time they talked about Matt Holliday's drop. You know, like they do every day as pretty boy Josh Elliott and Hannah Storm giggle incessantly. Oh wait, Hannah Storm giggles through every highlight, as you were.

- Speaking of, can there be anything worse than not only contributing to your team's devastating playoff loss, but getting drilled in the package in the process? As much deserved heat as Holliday's getting, Ryan Franklin should be getting ripped for walking Blake after being up 0-2, giving up a hit to Ronnie freaking Belliard (who I honestly thought was out of baseball), and to Loretta who was cold coming off the bench.

- I'm quite puzzled as to Jim Tracy adhering strictly adhering to the matchup-style lineup against Cliff Lee and Cole Hamels. It paid off in Yorvit Torrealba's 2-run homer in Game 2, but at this point in the season, you should have your best 9 guys out there and Torrealba might be the worst starting position player in the postseason and Garrett Atkins is clearly fearing the drug testing. But then again, I was happy to be wrong Thursday.

-Speaking of Mr. Hamels, I can't wait for his kid's first words to be "why is dada a shaggy-haired girl?" Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh, TBS doesn't respect us, wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why do I have to pitch during the day? Wahhhhhhhhh, my wife's giving birth! What's next? How dare the hitters swing at my pitches?

- Chip Caray is the new Joe Buck and by that I mean, no matter how bad he is (in this instance, Caray's cheerleading getting in the way of him actually presenting the game, as opposed to Buck's cheerleading mixing with his completely dull delivery), the network will continue to push him on us. There's hope for me yet.

Running Diary: Twins vs. Tigers AL Central One-Game Playoff

I will have a running diary for today's one-game playoff starting at 4:30 P.M. My prediction: an 8th inning implosion by the Tigers pen gives the Twins a 4-2 win.

4:30 P.M. : Congratulations to TBS on one of the dumbest programming decisions in history. Nothing like having According to Jim as your lead-in to a one-game playoff.

4:43: 16 months ago, I was watching Rick Porcello pitch in the Florida State League All-Star Game. They grow up so fast. And yes, I'm pissed that I missed out on seeing Stephen Strasburg sole appearence here until March.

4:46 - Watching Al Leiter on the MLB Net pre-game and them running highlights of his 2-hit gem in the one-game playoff against Cincy makes me feel old. My God, that was already 10 years ago?

5:01- Ron Darling, thankful to leave the prison sentence that was being on SNY for the 2009 season, gets to call his first meaningful game in over a year.

5:04- This entire Miguel Cabrera situation is a beauty. Even the Mets weren't this dumb the last 2 years.

5:07- It's 44 degrees and raining in Minneapolis. I don't see how Target Field will pose any sort of problem.

5:11- Text from my friend Tyler (a loyal Tigers fan):" We're 9 min into the broadcast and they've already listed about 37 reasons/stats why the Twins will win. This is gonna be a fun broadcast to watch."

5:18- Joe Mauer legs out a double with two out and one of the purest swings in the game. You think Bobby Bowden wishes he had taken that football scholarhsip to FSU right about now? Yeah, me too.

5:20- Porcello doesn't even look remotely fazed and gets Jason Kubel to pop out to short to end the first.

5:22- A "beat your wife, Miggy, beat your wife! (clap clap)" chant would've been solid, but as we all know, Minneapolis is classier than most.

5:24- Cabrera breaks out of a wretched 0-11 slump, with a one-handed double to the wall. Now THAT'S strength.

5:26- " It's like we say on the NBA ON TNT....win or go home," says Chip Caray. Nice to see Turner has learned the plug portion of the Broadcast from FOX.

5:27- Denard Span is one of those guys that won't get mentioned in the papers, but he's a player that you don't win without. Here's hoping the Mets can find/grow those kind of players.

5:31- Those final 2 outs are exactly why you trade for Orlando Cabrera. Despite his reported surliness in the clubhouse, he just gets it done.

5:46- Tigers avoid a double play after Curtis Granderson beats a nick Punto flip to 2nd. Darling dontests that Punto needed to make a better throw, but I don't think Punto had much of a choice considering how close Granderson was to the bag.

5:47- Maggloio Ordonez singles home Granderson for the first run. Maybe that haircut was for the best.

5:49- Miggy shuts everybody up with a 2-run blast into the football seats. Speaking of which, did you know Brett Favre played his old team last night?

5:59- Span makes it happen again with a single to right moving Matt Tolbert to 3rd. It's the little things.

6:01- nice to see Johan is still revered in the Twin Cities with all those jerseys. No need to worry, the Savior will rise again in March.

6:03- A botched pickoff attempt at 1st allows Tolbert to score. Bad move, you can't be focusing on the runner with 2 outs.

6:07- With the bases loaded, Kubel whiffs to end the inning. Let's just say he's not having the best of days.

6:09- Nice to see Tyler Hansbrough secure at least one endorsement before he fades into bolivian.

6:17- Great job by Punto to stand down the take-out slide by Ryan Raburn.

6:20- Worth noting: Rick Porcello has one less win in one season than Joba Chamberlain does in 3.

6:24- Colorado will not have Jorge De La Rosa in the rotation for the NLDS. That's a huge loss, now throws Jason Hammel into Game 4 and I'm not so sure he's ready.

6:27- Did you know this might be the last baseball game ever played in the Metrodome? They should mention that.

6:49- Kubel belts one almost to the upper deck to trim the lead to one. With the efforts this month from him and Cuddyer and Justin Morfneau, Delmon Young should probably be selling his house right about now.

6:53- Cuddyer works a 2-out walk with a great AB and Porcello is done. I would've let him face Delmon Young before pulling the plug.


6:55- Texas leaguer falls in and Cuddyer goes to 3rd.

6:56- Is pinch-hitting Brendan Harris for Jose Morales THAT big of a difference? That's making a move for the sake of it.

6:57- moot point, he gets plunked on the first pitch. The wheels are coming off for Detroit.

7:00- Impatient hitting by Tolbert bails Zach Miner out of disaster. 3-2 going to the 7th.

7:01- "God I hate Zach Miner, he's trying to kill me."- Tyler

7:07- Seems a little too early to be bringing Jon Rauch in, I'd much rather have him facing their heavy-hitting righties.

7:13- Delmon Young's favorite reliever, Jose Mijares, enters. From the same bullpen that brought us Dennys Reyes and Eddie Guardado, the Twins certainly do not discriminate against waistlines.

7:20- Matt Guerrier induces an inning-ending grounder and the Metrodome is coming back to life. Jim Leyland went into the tunnel for a heater.

7:29- After Punto reaches, they decide not to have Span bunt and tghen punches out. Puzzling call, may come back to haunt them.

7:30- Immediately upon typing that. Cabrera hits a 2-run homer. I know nothing.

7:32- "Why is Miner still in? Is Leyland alive?"- Tyler

7:35- Question: Why was Miner throwing him a hanging slider when Cabrera couldn't catch up to his fastball?


7:44- Magglio Ordonez puts the defribilluator to the Tigers with a homer just over the left field wall. I'm telling you, they should have these every year, 3 straight thrilling Game 163's.


7:47- I know Joe Nathan doesn't usually go 2 innings but with the season on the line, he has to be out there.

7:49- Now this is just aspiring announcer in me, but the 8th inning of a tie game is not the time to be going to the human interest story about how the Tigers are doing this for Detroit.

8:02- So just so were clear: Joe Nathan wasn't worth bringing in to start the 8th, but was ok to bring in with one out? A MENSA-worthy move by Gardy there.

8:13- A Wally Backman-esque bunt by Ramon Santiago. Nathan v. Granderson, buckle up.

8:16- This is exactly who you want up if you're the Tigers.

8:19- Once again, I know nothing. That said, what a lousy call.

8:22- Lousy baserunning by Granderson there, you have to wait for that to fall. When you have first and third with no one out and you can't cash in, maybe it's not your day.

8:28- How many times does a leadoff walk in the bottom of the 9th comes into score?

8:30- The division-title winning run on 2nd and here comes Fernando Rodney.....I'm actually worried what might happen to Tigers fans in the next 5 minutes.

8:34- What a play by Inge. Big names tend to do big things in these games.

8:36- If you needed any reason to keep watching after 3 and a half hours, Craig Sager's purple suit makes an appearence. Thank you, TBS.

8:46 Who says September call-ups who only make 3 appearences aren't useful? What wheels by Don Kelly, although Mauer should've been made Kelly blown him up.

8:50- What is Ryan Raburn thinking? Just let that one drop.

8:51- What is Delmon Young thinking? You have the cloer rattled and the place going and you're gonna swing on the first pitch? Nice going.

8:57- As a Met fan, I know exactly what's about to happen. Opposite field single by Span to win it.

9:01- Incredible play by Raburn, and dumbfounded that they sent Casilla on a ball that shallow (shades of Junior throwing out Cuddyer last year). What a game. And what a horrendous call by Chip Caray who yelled "BASE HIT!" before Raburn even had a play on it.

9:15- You figure with Fernando Rodney going into his 3rd inning of work that this won't end well for the Tigers.

9:16- Simply put, Curtis Granderson is the balls of the Detroit Tigers. Great catch.

9:18- Randy Marsh must be getting a playoff spot from one of these teams. Wow, was that awful.

9:30- Bases loaded and Inge at the plate.....this is where putting Rauch in in the 7th hurts them.

9:38- And the Tigers go back to their Mets impression....weak.

9:40- You can't possibly expect a closer to go 4 innings, right? right?

9:43- Young and Casilla have plenty of speed to break up a double play, but if Alexi Casilla beats you, it wasn't gonna happen anyway.

9:45- What a game, sucks it had to end. Congrats to the Twins on a miraculous comeback and will now receieve a 1 and 2 asswuppin courtesy of the Yankees.