We've been looking for some outside insight here at 7 Up 17 To Go for awhile now, when it finally hit us over the head. Why not have someone who knows his sports and a little something about life too? The best we could do is ESPN Radio's Colin Cowherd.
7 UP 17 TO G0: Pleasure to have you, Colin. You see, the blog community is quite accepting of you.
Colin Cowherd: Let me tell you something about “the blogging community.” The blogging community is a bunch of namby-pamby basement dwellers sitting around in their bathrobes and underwear. [30 second pause] Bloggers just sit around, in mom’s basement, eating Hot Pockets wearing their tighty-whities. The blogging community is useless. and could never generate the kind of content I’d use on this program. To do what I do every morning right here on ESPN Radio takes some real gumption, some real drive, and the blogging losers who sit at home, obsessing over ever minute detail of Battlestar Gallactica while they’re sitting in their mom’s basement lack that. They lack that drive, and that’s why they’re sitting in their mom’s basement, 30 years old, 40 years old with no job and no girlfriend because they’re losers.
Now, I’m glad to be here with you on the ONstar Hotline talking to the blog 7Up17ToGo.
7U17TG: We haven't seen any team truly establish itself as a powerful team in baseball this season, any chance we see a surprise team this year like the Rays or Rockies?
CC: The cold, hard facts are no one in baseball can compete with the Red Sox and Yankees. I’m sorry, but no one…no one else matters. Maybe the Dodgers…Fish, who is leading the AL East? The Red Sox? And the Yankees are second? OK then, case closed.
Look, the Red Sox and Yankees are all that matters. Period. That’s why they’re always on the Mothership, they just draw the ratings. I know when I get home from a long day at the office and I kick back in front of my 72-inch Vizio plasma TV – and let me tell you, Vizio makes a very fine television, nothing is better with my DirecTV hookup – all I want to see is a Yankees or Red Sox game. That’s just the fact.
If you’re a broker on Wall Street and you’re selling short on the baseball franchise that’s going to make you the most money, who are your taking? If you’re smart, you’re taking the Yankees the one and the Red Sox ain’t too far behind. But if you’re buying three, that’s a big drop-off. A big drop-off. I always say…this show is about more than sports. You’re going to be a well-rounded person you better know playing the stocks. Fish, what was that advice I gave you last year? 300 shares of Bear Stearns? Well that’s like buying the No. 3 team in MLB. It’s buying share of Bear Stearns and passing up on the Halliburton stock. It’s foolish…and anyone who does it is a fool. That’s just how it is. You can disagree with it…but you know I’m right.
7U17TG: Well anyway, let's go to your area of expertise, college football. Is this the year where Ohio State and the Big 10 turn it around?
CC: Let me tell you something about the Big 10, and more specifically Ohio State. Ohio State…Ohio State and Tressel are like a woman. They look sexy. They look sexy. Look like a great time! They win some games, they get some buzz going and win you over then when you least expect it…you’re spending 56 hours a week with a mediator deciding who gets to keep the 72-inch Vizio.
Fish, can we get a search on the Subway Fresh Take Line for the last time a Big 10 team won a BCS bowl? 2005? OK, so since 2005 the Big 10 is winless in BCS bowls and that means Ohio State is a big, fat bagel and three. They’re sexy, they sucker you in early, and when you get the ring on that finger of the bowl game in that schedule, they stop doing the things they did early on in the relationship and you’re stuck. You’re trapped, and the next thing you know you’re watching an entire season of The Sopranos on DVD by yourself and eating half a tub of cookie dough.
Ohio State goes from a Sports Illustrated supermodel in September…to our old friend Trina The Female Bodybuilder in January. *raspy voice* Hi I’m Trina The Female Bodybuilder…I’m like Ohio State football.
7U17TG: Chaz Weis is under serious pressure to put Notre Dame into championship contention, do the Golden Domers finally put themselves back in the picture or does Weis go back to the coordinator booth where he belongs?
CC: Look, it’s just good for the game if Notre Dame is good. Sorry, but that’s just the fact. Notre Dame is one of those institutions…you love to hate ‘em, and you love to watch ‘em. They get ratings. They bring in the viewers. But that Golden Dome is starting to look pretty aluminum…That dome is beat up, and Charlie Weis is on the hot seat…and we’re not talking the Budweiser Hot Seat.
Weis needs to win. And not seven games like last season, but we’re talking…monumental. Obama over McCain. I say to Fish all the time – this show’s about more than sports and we’re going to talk politics for a minute. Charlie Weis needs to win big like Obama won in the presidential election. Now, I’m not a liberal and I’m not a conservative…I just want to vote for whoever’s going to make ME money. And Charlie Weis needs to make Notre Dame money. He needs a big money bowl. College football…needs Weis and Notre Dame to succeed. Everyone…needs a villain. Notre Dame…college football just needs Notre Dame as its villain.
7U17TG: Do you think USC regains the crown this year despite having relative inexperience under center and the loss of their monster linebackers?
CC: OK, USC football is like Duke basketball. Everyone wants to be ‘em! Everyone wants to be ‘em! But nobody CAN be ‘em. So they seethe, they rage, but it’s just petty jealousy.
Look, Pete Carroll is just the guy. He is the guy. He’s in Hollywood, he’s hanging out with celebrities – he IS a celebrity. He’s got the great look, million dollar hair and a great smile. USC…they reload. The Pac-10 has some teams. They HAVE teams…but no one is on USC’s level. The only team that can beat USC…is USC. It’s just the truth. Hate them all you want…but you know I’m right.
Thanks, Colin, outstanding commentary. Good luck with the alimony and the real estate projects. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to put Jim Rome back on.
Special thanks to our friends over at Nerdy For Sports on this one, check them out at http://nerdyforsports.blogspot.com/
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